Once More From The Top… This Time With Feeling!

Oh… you may be wondering, what is this guy up to NOW?

Yes, I am quite the moving target on this path to thrive beyond trauma.

I hope my journey is at the very least entertaining, if not informative and instructive…

Yes… You are right… I am stalling…

Okay! Fine!

I decided to start dating again!

You don’t say??
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I can feel your least surprised look judging me through the inter-webs.

Not really, that’s just the voices in my head.

Ah well… At least I’m not alone up in here.

The Best-Laid Plans…

“The best-laid plans of mice and men often go awry…” (To A Mouse by Robert Burns).

As you may recall, in my last installment of the memoirs of a love-sick poet… or something like that, I conceived the idea to shave my head in order to commit to this life of solitude by making myself (as I perceived it) less attractive.

I thought by leaning into the ugly and distancing myself from my appearance by clipping away part of my identity with a set of hair clippers, I would ascend (or descend?) into the ranks of ascetic or monk.

Nope.

Bald is beautiful?

The very day I cut my fucking hair off, I started to get more attention from women.

THE

VERY

DAY!

In fact, my new look was merely a couple hours old and yet my shiny cranium served as a beacon of seduction…

Okay, maybe I’m exaggerating a little… far be it for me to exercise a heaping dose of superfluous hyperbole…

BUT…

I shit you not.

I thought I was checking in as a new resident to the Ugly Inn, and yet…

A beautiful woman hit on me that night.

Granted, she was at a meeting for love addiction… So it may have been more her impulse than my looks.

But…

After visibly noticing an increase in my personal stock and quite frankly, growing very tired of surrendering a God-given impulse for connection…

I said FUCK IT!

I give.

I want to find a partner.

And for the time being… at the very least, meet some people to spend time with.

And when I say people, you know damn well I mean women.

So…

Here we go again…

The Multi-Verse

I realize I just used two Matrix memes (I couldn’t decide on which one because they both make me laugh), yet, I called this section the Multi-Verse which has nothing to do with the Matrix…

Whatever… my blog, I do what I want.

It makes sense to me.

And so to answer Morpheus’ question…

I’m trying to illustrate a desire to operate in multiple realities.

Yes, yes… I’m sure my history of mental health and taking psychedelics contributes to this line of expanded consciousness, or as the professionals (and certain AA members) would say, delusional thinking.

But you’re here, so you might as well continue this ride with me.

In a few different posts now, I’ve illustrated the idea of dialectical thinking (see post https://greenleaf4life.blog/2022/05/26/row-your-boat/).

If, however, you do not want to read my other post because you’re barely keeping your eyes open for this one, I’ll elaborate…

Dialectical thinking is a skill one develops in Dialectical Behavioral Therapy wherein a person can hold more than one conflicting thought, feeling, or reality in their mind. It’s a tool to get away from “Black-and-White” (I know, so racist) thinking.

For instance, one can feel sad about a situation and grateful.

One can have strong feelings, say.. I don’t know, to date (best laid plans 😉 )

AND….

Practice using the executive functioning of keeping on fucking task while being available for courtship.

It sounds good in theory, right?

So my hope, fearless friends, is to fucking relax a little bit and enjoy the company of potential partners WHILE practicing a program of recovery.

This so-called program of recovery includes continuing to watch for codependency and love addiction while going to meetings and working with others.

So far…

If I’m being honest…

It’s easy for me to get carried away.

For instance…

I have been chatting with someone and formed a pretty quick connection.

Looking at my phone has taken on a new importance in my day.

And…

It’s been fun.

And ohhhhh the fucking shame-monsters in my head are having a fucking hay-day with this!

The boy’s doing something that makes him feel good, so it must be bad…

I heard someone say in a meeting last week that dating is like pouring Miracle Grow on your character defects…

Isn’t that a comforting thought?

This is why I want to operate in multiple realities…

One where I can be grounded in my recovery amidst the excitement of dating.

I want to keep focused on taking care of my damned self and enjoying the life I am building…

And…

I want to be open to my dreams which include falling in-love.

The quest, should you choose to accept it, young Bucky, is to do all of this with some degree of emotional sobriety and humility.

Side note: Sometimes you’re young Bucky, and sometimes, I am. This time, I am in the third person. Got it, young Bucky? (see what I did there 😉 ).

Anywho…. I digress.

There Are No Stupid Ideas

Okay… Maybe there’s SOME stupid ideas.

What I meant to say, is there are no mistakes…

The interesting thing about the human mind is that we have this self-justification mechanism called confirmation bias.

When we decide on something, our minds will automatically find supporting information to corroborate our pet belief.

So, I could sit here all day and spin my wheels about the reasons why I should or shouldn’t date, and at the end of the day, since I have decided to, I will mostly focus on the reasons it’s a good idea.

Or…

I could make myself miserable and tear myself apart by overthinking about it.

Far be it for me to do something like that….

And now for a brief message from our sponsors…

It’s like my friend Daniel said in the podcast interview… I can either focus on the cockroach on the bowl of cherries or just the bowl of cherries….

The point I’m trying to make is I am exercising some fucking mindset and intentionality to enjoy what little time I may have left here.

And even if I am making a HUGE mistake by deciding to date right now, it’s not really a mistake.

I will be living life fully and certainly grow from the experience.

I do not subscribe to the idea that we are meant to be alone here.

And I know there are no guarantees about how long this little science experiment known as human existence will continue.

See all that confirmation bias at work? It’s a beautiful thing. I know because my confirmation bias is looking for the beauty in it! 😉

Life and thriving beyond trauma are about taking risks.

Today, I am choosing to do what (or whom) will make me happy.

I know that happiness is an inside job that comes from having a purpose and living aligned with my values…

And my values today include:

Shameless Moulin Rouge reference…

Conclusion

Thank you for tuning into another installment of the love-sick saga of a chronic malcontent trying his best…

I think we’ve all learned a valuable lesson here…

So the long and short of it is…

Listen to me, don’t listen to me…

Do whatever the fuck you want!

Someone I love very much said that she was manifesting like a motherfucker…

Life is short.

Tomorrow is not guaranteed.

Yes, plan for the future.

But don’t necessarily count on there being one.

Today is all we’ve got!

And today, I’m gonna confirm the shit out of my bias towards being available to find the her I’m looking for.

And she will come…

Thank you, and goodnight…

Be well 😉

Thank you again for reading this latest post. I hope you enjoyed reading it as much as I enjoyed writing it. Believe it or not, I do offer Life Coaching services. Granted I don’t run my life worth a damn, but I’m sure I’ve got some ideas for you…. I can’t even write that without laughing out loud….

Please feel free to check out my latest podcast episode which completely contradicts what I wrote here today…. Welcome to my world!

That’s also what she said…

Check me out on social media if you dare…

Instagram @greenleaf_4_life

TikTok @greenleaf4life

2 responses to “Once More From The Top… This Time With Feeling!”

  1. Did you see what you did here?

    Practice using the executive functioning of keeping on fucking task while being available for courtship.

    Laughed Out Loud at a lot of this – including the double entendre with the subtlety of a sledgehammer.

    Life as we know it is between the Black and White extremes – all sorts of colors to enjoy between the either/or-ness!

    Liked by 1 person

    1. First… thank you for reading my shtuff…🥰

      Second… I feel very seen and heard right now… thank you for that 🥰

      Third… I’m grateful this post gave us both something to laugh at. It was fun to write. I’m glad you enjoyed it!☺️

      Like

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