I Open at the Close

Okay… so maybe the Harry Potter video is a little dramatic for what I want to talk about, but damn I’m feeling that today…

The imagery, the music, the gravity of dying to live…

And what, you may be asking, does Harry Potter and the golden snitch have to do with thriving beyond trauma…?

Well maybe, young Bucky, I will get to that!


Today was the last day of my job as a High Needs Case Manager.

Ahem… [clears throat]


Thank you, Leo… 🙂

The reality of leaving that job is still setting in.

I keep feeling like I have some crisis or emails to attend to.

I almost did not make it out gracefully…

Yesterday, I hung up on an insurance company because they denied services for a kiddo needing a facility to go to…

I dropped off the company’s equipment (laptop, cell phone) at half day today because I was fucking done!

I am so fucking grateful to be done!

Today closes the chapter of me working for other people in a broken system so that now I can live my fucking dreams!

Today, my identity of burned-out social worker dies so that I can emerge to be of maximum service to those who are ready to thrive beyond trauma.

Today, I get to advocate for women because this country’s Supreme Court royally fucked up!

I find it synchronistic that the last day of my job is the same day Roe v. Wade gets overturned…

And before you get your nuts all twisted up reading my opinion, remember, we all get to have an opinion, and it’s our job as responsible citizens to listen to one another.

My first impulse when I heard that news today was to leave the country.

I see this ruling as a sign that a police state which favors white “Christian” males is coming. (Oh wait, we’re already there….)

I have children who are able to conceive babies, and I worry about their rights and freedom.

And… As a white male with a voice, I have privilege, and I need to use it responsibly.

It would be cowardly of me to run out on this country because I am afraid.

I need to leverage my privilege and speak out for those who are silenced because of their gender, race, ability, etc.


I’ve spoken my peace about that (not really, I have a lot more to say), but for now, it’s important to come back to embracing my Sacred Calling by letting the old me die.

This mission of mine is not about me…

And I’m grateful that on this day, of all days, the social advocate fire within me has become a fucking inferno!

The Divine Timing of it all is perfect.

In the immortal words of Captain Jack, “Can we pretend that she’s nothing more than a woman scorned like which fury hell hath no? We cannot! So, I agree with, and I cannot believe the words are coming out of me mouth…Captain Swann. We must fight.

Just you watch… The Rise of the Women. This decision will not go without consequence. It’s coming… Mark my words. This country pissed off a lot of women today, and there will be a price to pay. Count on it.

St. Francis’s Golden Snitch

Okay… back to the topic at hand.

I know it’s hard for me to follow along, too, and I’m writing the motherfucker!

Okay, I’m pretty sure St. Francis was not in the Harry Potter movies, but a friend of mine reminded me of a famous line from a prayer credited to him (sometimes):

“. . . and it is in dying that we are born to eternal life.”

In the final Harry Potter book, he discovered that the golden snitch (a golden ball that flies around in a game called Quidditch – okay, I see have a lot more to explain here, but I’m not going to – just read the damn Harry Potter books or watch the movies…) contains the Resurrection Stone.

I’ll let you guess what a Resurrection Stone does because I know you’re smart that way!

The golden snitch bears the inscription, “I Open at the Close.”

Like you, Harry has no fucking clue what that means (unless you read the books or saw the movies).

However, he finds out that once he made the decision to sacrifice himself to Voldemort (don’t ask) and die, the golden snitch opens and inside he finds the Resurrection Stone.

Fuck, it feels like I’m losing you here describing this to make a simple (not so simple) point…

If you’re still with me, the POINT is that once Harry follows St Francis’s (I mean Dumbledore’s) clue, he dies and comes back to life.

Just like Jesus, right?

Not really, but a similar idea.

At least, I think that’s what St. Francis was getting at…

That when we die to ourselves either by releasing our identity, demands, selfishness, lifestyle, what-have-you, we awaken to “eternal life.”

I realize it’s fairly grandiose of me to compare my life’s journey to Harry Potter, St. Francis, and Jesus, but why start being humble now?

I’m just kidding…

Or am I?

Regardless, from the wisdom of JK Rowling and St. Francis, I extrapolate the need to “let old things die” (see post https://greenleaf4life.blog/2022/05/27/let-old-things-die/) so that I may move on to this next chapter of life.

And to me, the next chapter is very fucking significant and magical and I’m going to milk it for all of the woo-energy I can get out of it!

I’m talking unicorns and fucking rainbows, baby!

I really need to lay off these energy drinks… 😉

Dying to Live

So, kids… to bring this around to some rah-rah, in your face, motivational malarky… what I’m trying to say is I feel fucking free today!

That’s not the gif I meant to use, but it came up first, and I find it sooooo fitting! And Dave Chappelle makes me laugh… really hard…

YES!!! I’m free!!!

I felt like my job, though an honorable one that several people told me I’m good at, was sucking my soul away…

I dreaded going to work.

I have felt the restlessness, drive, and passion to become a fulltime writer, life coach, and podcaster for a long time!

And so, I impart this message on to you:

If you feel irritable, restless, and discontent or the sadness that comes from living a life without passion…


If you have any of the “someday I’m gonna…” thoughts or wishes in your head, stop wishing for someday and start doing it today!

The only way I’m going to succeed at realizing my dreams is to take the action.

When I was sick at home and had time to reflect, I came face-to-face with how much I hated my fucking job.

I don’t use the word “hate” lightly either.

It is a word I’d prefer to never use…

But as time went on, I felt such a resistance to doing my job that my attitude really began to suck.

Yes, I cared about those kids.

Yes, I was an effective case manager and did a good job.

And… my heart wasn’t in it.

It was poisoning me.

If you want to stop feeling poisoned, stop consuming poison!

(Put that on a t-shirt!)

Find that little kernel of desire or desperation inside of you.

Water that motherfucker (if you water kernels).

Or pop the fucker!

I don’t know.

But you know what I mean!

Get out your notebook (if you don’t have one, get one).

Free-write for five minutes all the things you want to do in your life before you fucking die.

Don’t worry about if it’s realistic or not.

Just write the shit down!

After you’ve written for five minutes, pick up your list, look in the mirror and tell yourself, I am going to do this shit!

And read the fucking list out loud to yourself!

Write the things on sticky notes and put them on your mirror (see David Goggins #accountabilitymirror)

Don’t worry about how you’re going to. Just tell yourself you ARE going to.

Set the fucking intention.

Decide that you are going to let the “someday” attitude die and start making your list happen today.

Not tomorrow, not next week…. TODAY!

After you’ve written and read the list out loud, start putting numbers next to them based on how soon you can do them.

Ones are things you can do today, twos in the next month, threes in the next three months.

Do the things you labeled as 1s.

After you complete the ones, start on the twos, and then the threes.

If the twos and threes need extra steps, write those steps down and write 1, 2, or 3 next to those steps and then start again with the ones.


Don’t listen to the bullshit thinking that says you can’t do these things.

It’ll sound like, “I don’t have enough time or money. I’m not strong enough.”

Make the time and money.

Decide to spend 10 minutes each day working on what you want to accomplish.

Set a fucking timer if you have to.

You have 10 minutes to scroll through Facebook or watch fucking Netflix, right?

You have 10 minutes to start on your dreams.

If nothing changes, nothing changes.

Let go of your old ideas and take action to create the life you want.

Let old things die – so that you may live!


Okay, so as usual we kind of went all over the place, but why should today be any different?

Besides, I’m still figuring out my voice and audience.

But the point is, I’m fucking do it!

I’m not sitting around thinking about it, trying to figure out how I’m going to get good at this.

I’m doing the damn thing and honing my skills and message while I do it.

If you sit around, research, think about, plan, etc., you are stalling.

That is mental masturbation!

If you want to live free – I mean really feel free, you’re gonna have to let your old life and ways of doing things die.

Take risks!

Dream Big!

You don’t have a lot of time left on this planet.

Make the most of it!

Thriving beyond trauma does not come from sitting on your ass in front of the TV or complaining to a therapist week after week about how hard things are.

You have to change your mindset!

Move from victim to victor!

The only person holding you back is YOU!

Thank that person for protecting you and keeping you safe up to this point, and then kindly ask them to step the fuck aside while you learn to fly!

Happiness is choice!

And it comes from a mindset that everything is happening to benefit you…


Yes, I know there’s a struggle, particularly as someone who has experienced trauma.

However, there is clearly a way to thrive beyond trauma.

Come with me.

I’ll show you the way!

Be well 😉

Thank you for reading this historic moment in my life where I break free from society’s expectations and begin to spread my wings. If you want to get a taste of thriving beyond trauma, like, comment, follow, and reach out. I am a Life Coach and will show you how to break free! I’m just a click and comment away…

Also, I find a lot of inspiration listening to podcasts… Check out this one where I was interviewed. And below it is a link to my own weekly podcast. They can be found on all major platforms, but here’s the Spotify links.


TikTok @greenleaf4life

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