I would say I’m a bit late writing this blog post this morning, except I firmly believe I am right where I am supposed to be…
I think some people mistake “Living the Dream” as days filled with riding unicorns that shit ice cream on demand.
To me, living the dream means staying committed to your vision and taking the action even (especially) when you don’t fucking feel like it!
I am feeling fucking tired today!
I had a hard time getting to sleep last night because my mind would not shut the fuck up!
I woke up at 4:50am, did my meditation and journaling routine, busted out 58 burpees, talked to my AA sponsor about my dating foibles, and here I sit three hours later than I normally start to come up with some fricking truth-laden brilliance about overcoming trauma…
The Nightmare Before Christmas
Don’t ask me what Jack Skellington or the The Nightmare Before Christmas has to do with living the dream… I haven’t figured it out yet…
But I trust my subconscious is brewing up something tasty in its cauldron…
My birthday is on Christmas, and the nightmare before that was living a life of unrealized dreams and purpose.
Much like the Pumpkin King, I moped around, depressed, longing to find meaning beyond the mundane…
“Woe is me,” I would say….
I am so misunderstood and unloved…
I am not living up to my potential.
I am fucking stuck doing these jobs in a broken system…
I am a slave to the white man!
Okay, okay… before you get all offended, please know I am kidding… but not kidding. 😉
I am well aware of my white male privilege, and I do my part to dismantle and challenge oppressive systems and people…
But it still makes me laugh to write that… so #sorrynotsorry.
Anyway, the point I am making is that in order to start living the dream, I had to wake up from the fucking nightmare!
Our hero, Jack, took matters into his own hands to chase his dreams…
Albeit he did corrupt and fuck up Christmas in the process…
In the end, he did save the day and find his joy and purpose.
No one said chasing dreams would be easy…
Even for the Pumpkin King…
La Vida Loca
I’m not entirely sure what Jung meant by this quote, which reveals to me I need to read more…
But, I think the key here for me is recognizing my need to live life…
That does not mean I only show up for the ice cream shitting unicorn days…
It also doesn’t mean I wander around depressed about why Halloween isn’t Christmas…
It means I show up for all of it, the good, the bad, and the ugly…
But David, you might be saying…
I thought you said “good” and “bad” don’t really exist and they’re just social constructs that lead to suffering?
Yes, young padawan… Very good. You were listening.
You passed the test and called me out on my own mental hang-ups.
And, it was just a figure of speech stolen from an old Clint Eastwood movie title.
Stop taking everything I write so fucking seriously!
Okay, now that we got that out of the way…
Yes, even me, Mr. Fucking Positivity, skims the rim of the toilet bowl of negativity from time to time.
Yes, occasionally, I have a shitty attitude…
Yes, my outlook is crappy and other unnecessary bathroom puns…
But the point is…
Today, I embrace the comfortable and the uncomfortable as all part of a nourishing journey of thriving beyond trauma!
(Whew… I was starting to wonder if there was a point!) 😉
Show up for the shit, too.
Yesterday, a friend of mine texted me that she was not “feeling it” and did not want to go to the gym.
I told her that’s exactly the time she NEEDS to go to the gym!
If we only do the hard work of self-improvement when we feel like it, we’ll never grow!
I know she is in the first few weeks of a 100 day challenge to work out every day, twice per day.
If I co-signed her bullshit and told her, sure honey, it’s okay to not go today because you don’t feel like it, then I’d be not a very good friend or coach.
Giving herself permission to not remain committed to her goals is the same as telling herself it’s okay to intentionally fail.
Sometimes, we just need to be pushed.
She showed up, bitched and moaned the whole time, but she did not have to go home and look in the mirror and realize she let herself down.
She did the damn thing!
Sometimes, we just need to be pushed.
Sometimes, I just need to be pushed!
Okay, so maybe that’s not quite the commitment I was thinking about…
But clearly, the inmates are running the asylum…
Speaking of insanity, I had my weekly phone call with my sponsor.
His task is to point out my spiritual deficiencies (insane choices) in a loving manner.
He told me from the beginning that he would call me out on my bullshit, and although it stings from time to time, it’s very important for me to be held accountable.
You may be asking yourself, what the hell does accountability have to do with commitment?
I’m still figuring that out.
I am committed to my own personal growth through many means and the ongoing journey of sharing my experiences in order to be of service.
That means that I need to tell on myself and reveal not only my strengths, but especially my weaknesses – or rather areas of needed growth.
So, today, Mr. Sponsor pointed out to me that last week I told him I am not interested in having a relationship with a particular woman I continually flirt with.
Then, he pointed out that this week I was telling him I am unsure about dating her.
He said to me, so… you were either lying last week or you’re lying this week. And the person you’re lying to is yourself!
I think I am clearly trying to keep people from reading future posts of this blog…
He also pointed out that when I feel defensive, I deflect it with inappropriate humor…
He then reminded me that I asked him to give me this kind of feedback.
And yes, I absolutely need to be called out.
We all do!
I will co-sign my own bullshit in order to get what I think I want.
And often times, my actions are a mindless pattern that always ends up in some sort of codependently-fueled misery.
I am committed to the process of growing the fuck up.
I don’t want to keep mindlessly repeating patterns that invite drama in my life or make me feel isolated and alone.
I am not getting any younger, so I better start figuring this shit out, right?
So, today, I honor my commitment of personal development and chasing my dreams.
Even when I’m running a little behind schedule, I will write this damn blog post every Monday through Friday.
I deleted the damn dating app and deactivated my account.
Incidentally, the Pattern app also told me today to stop seeking a relationship and lean into being alone in order to let go of my old codependent patterns… (https://www.thepattern.com/)
Please make sure your seatbelts are fastened and your trays are locked in the upright position.
Damn… Just damn…
The Universe has spoken.
So what do I do about it?
This Is Not A Dress Rehearsal
Life is in session…
So what am I going to do?
Fucking live it!
[Insert impassioned ‘get off your ass’ rant]
It wouldn’t be one of my blog posts if I didn’t go off and start spewing motivational dribble…
Yes, most of us probably woke up this morning and did not feel like showing up.
And a lot of you showed up anyway, but still donned your cape of complaining…
Bitching and moaning are not superpowers!
They keep you stuck!
Change your fucking mindset!
Hey, it’s 11:11 right now!
See there’s little breadcrumbs of the Universe all around you…
You just have to find them.
Search for your breadcrumbs like you’re starving for it – because you probably are.
Find the reason you want to live.
Find what excites you!
And fucking go for it!
I’m not surprised that I feel a little deflated and cantankerous today.
Yesterday was a big day for me!
I finally published my new podcast yesterday and it went live on Spotify and Apple Podcasts (among other platforms)
I cried when it went live because I knew that I was living my dream!
It turned out so much better than I expected and it was much easier to do than I thought.
Publishing that podcast was proof to me that I am doing what I am supposed to be. The feeling was electric and is motivating me to keep going.
My success is inevitable.
My hope is that by posting this, you will dust off that idea you want to go after and fucking do it!
Yes, you may be scared.
Yes, like me, you may feel tired or deflated.
But remember, you have all of the energy you need within you.
Stand up and put your hands up as high as you can. (assuming you can stand or raise your hands – I’m not a complete ableist).
Ok, now put them up a little higher.
Did you reach higher?
But the first thing I said was to put your hands up “as high as you can.”
I guarantee that when I said put them up higher, you were able to reach higher.
You can always do more than you think!
No one is going to rescue you!
When you feel like shit, that is precisely the time to keep pushing towards your goals.
Because the next time you feel like shit, you’ll be able to remember this time that you kept going when you felt like shit.
Build your belief in yourself by pushing through the pain.
Yes, I feel tired and somewhat lonely today.
I’m still recovering from COVID.
I’m sitting in a staff meeting right now listening to how shitty the job is that I chose to leave.
And I’m writing my fucking blog and am feeling grateful that I made a commitment to chase my dreams.
And not only am I chasing them…
I’m living the motherfuckers!
And you can, too!
Don’t wait until tomorrow.
Make a decision.
Make a commitment.
And Just Fucking Do It!
One of my soon-to-be-former coworkers glibly announced as he walked into the staff meeting, “I’m living the dream… stuck in the nightmare.”
I’ve heard him say that before.
He sounds fucking miserable.
I refuse to continually come back to a job that sucks out my soul.
I have dreams and it does not include voluntarily staying stuck in a fucking nightmare!
I lived in the nightmare before Christmas.
And as Christmas is my birthday, I was reborn this last year.
The nightmare is over…
Now is the time to live!
Yes, it’s not always a day of riding the ice cream shitting unicorn…
But it’s also what I choose to make it.
Today is what you choose to make it!
If you’re having relationship problems, find out what your truth is, speak it clearly and honestly, and get help if you need it.
If you hate your job, your church, your life…
Find out what you love and do that instead!
Stop being a victim!
Remember, if you’re miserable, you’re volunteering to feel that way.
You’re not a victim. You’re a volunteer!
I wish I could say I’m sorry to tell you that.
But today, the message from my sponsor (spiritual advisor) is that if it bothers me, it belongs to me.
If it bothers you, it belongs to YOU.
It’s not the woman I’m interested in who’s shining me on…
It’s my fucking expectations.
It’s me being dishonest with myself.
I’m tired today because I drank coffee too late yesterday and stayed up too long listening to my new podcast and daydreaming about a woman.
I made choices which later affected my peace of mind.
Does that mean I get the excuse of not writing this blog today?
Does it mean I skip my meeting with my sponsor?
Does it mean I skip the burpee challenge today or going to the gym?
Let me think about that…. Fuck no!
Do you see a theme here?
I get to make excuse only if I want to live a life of mediocrity and continue living in the nightmare.
Today, I leave the nightmare behind
Show up when I don’t feel like it.
And live the fucking dream!
Thank you for reading today’s sloppy rant about showing up anyway. I hope it helped. Feel free to like, comment, follow, or reach out. I offer Life Coaching services. If you’re feeling sick and tired of feeling sick and tired, reach out, and we’ll get you on track!