Beware of the Llamas

Most of you know what I mean…

This post may seem like I am going to talk some shit about others…

But, really, this is about self-care and boundaries!

Don’t Interfere

With Other People’s Misery

A wise person once told me to not interfere with other people’s misery.

What exactly does that mean?

To me, it means that I have a choice of getting involved in other people’s drama or taking care of myself.

I have no Superman cape.

I cannot rescue people.

YOU cannot rescue people.

I get that some people really struggle with a strong negativity bias (see yesterday’s post https://greenleaf4life.blog/2022/05/23/how-to-be-happy/.

It’s a human thing we’re wired to do for survial.

So being unaware of it, it’s not your fault.

However, once a person becomes aware that they are prone to negativity and drama, it’s a little their fault.

Granted blaming people will not help anything, and we all need some grace to figure out how we tick.

We all make mistakes as we grow.

We all have setbacks.

We all show up in ways we don’t want to.

Some Buddhists call this unskillful thoughts. I like that because it tells me we can learn the skills to practice showing up in healthier more productive ways.

One way is to kill the llama. (not literally…sheesh, who do you think I am?)

Kill the Llama

Yesterday, I told you “Don’t kill the bear.”

Today, I’m telling you to kill the fucking llama!

How do you kill the llama?

You kill the llama by not feeding it.

(In case you’re not keeping up, the llama is drama).

Why kill the llama?

For peace of mind!

We avoid feeding into other people’s drama by not participating.

It’s perfectly okay to feel empathy, sympathy, or anything you want towards someone with drama in their life.

What’s not okay, (and quite frankly, is crazy-making), is interfering with it.

¿Qué es esta Llama?

Yes, the llama is drama!

But what is drama?

And why do people seem to revel in it?

Now, again, I am going to sound like I am talking shit about people. Please understand, I have the greatest sympathy (and empathy) for people who struggle.

I also value my own time and mental health enough to not engage in a lot of drama.

Yes, I also engage in drama (in small amounts, if I can help it).

I think most people do.

But the key is to identify:

What is drama, what do we get out of it, and how to avoid it.

To me, I believe drama is identifying with a problem-focused mindset with few-to-no boundaries. Further, identifying with drama is living like a perpetual victim and viewing others as enemies and victims, too.

Somewhere inside people, they feel it necessary to feel sorry for themselves, think that life is unfair, and that what other people choose to do is their business.

If only so-and-so would (fill in the blank), I (or they) would be happy.

These are all beliefs (whether conscious or unconscious) that keep you stuck and miserable.

The WIIFM

So why do they do it? What’s the WIIFM (what’s in it for me).

There are several emotional, psychological, and biochemical reasons why people engage in drama.

Most of those reasons will be outside of the scope of this post because I don’t feel like doing a lot of research to impress you. This is not a college research paper. But rest assured, I have researched (and lived) this stuff.

So….

There’s one theory that people have an internal drug store. I’m borrowing this idea from literature about growing up in dysfunctional households.

I used to get involved in a lot of drama because it made me feel alive.

When growing up in a chaotic household with lots of adrenaline spikes, a person’s central nervous system gets somewhat fried.

When engaging in drama, they get that little adrenaline hit and it feels good (loosely using the word good. Good could be substituted with familiar).

So people watch the news, engage in gossip, tell other people what to do because internally they get a little chemical reward for it.

Granted, most are not aware of this, and if you are reading this, you may disagree with me. That’s fine.

But remember, there’s more about life that you do not know than you do know, and having an open mind and becoming teachable is how we grow.

Another reason people engage in drama is it takes the focus off of them It’s so much easier to point out what’s wrong with other people than to pick up the frickin’ mirror and own our own shit.

Call it projection, denial, or whatever. We feel better when someone else is to blame. And even better yet when we are the victim in our story.

When we are victims and everyone else is to blame, then we are not responsible for doing the hard work of making ourselves happy.

And maybe, just maybe, someone will come along and feel sorry for us or rescue us.

Guess what?

No one’s coming to rescue you!

And if they do, beware of that person because they have their own unresolved codependency issues of caretaking.

Superman’s Dead

Another reason for engaging in drama is we get a false sense of superiority over our fellows. This is a misguided attempt at self-esteem.

It doesn’t work.

It’s an ego-feeding prospect that will never sustain you.

And we all do it.

We compare ourselves with others and are like, “Well at least I’m not as bad as that motherfucker!”

The behaviors and attitudes you despise in others you are guilty of yourself.

Ouch!

Yes, people who piss you off are your mirror!

There’s something inside them that reminds you of a part of you you don’t like.

This takes a tremendous amount of willingness and self-reflection to realize.

Just yesterday, I was chewing on how someone is pissing me off until I really looked at the situation and realized the traits I am judging them over are things in me I do not like.

Tempting Disney to Sue Me…

Once you realize that what you don’t like in others you are (on some level) guilty of doing (or thinking about), compassion and freedom have room to float to the surface.

Again, there are several “reasons” why we engage in drama, and these are only a few.

But remember to ask yourself, “WIIFM?”

Are you getting some sort of emotional, psychological, or biochemical kick out of rescuing, gossiping, or judging someone?

Here’s a hint: Yes, you are.

How Do You Kill The Llama?

If you want to be free from feeling miserable and the bullshit that goes along with feeling like people are forcing you into situations you don’t want to be in, as mentioned earlier, kill the fucking llama!

As I said, to kill the llama, don’t feed the llama!

If someone wants to gossip, politely refuse.

If someone wants to chronically complain about what a victim they are, offer empathy or sympathy (briefly) and then change the subject or remove yourself from the discussion.

Don’t hang out with people who chronically complain!

If someone wants to argue…. don’t!

No one can make you do anything (except die).

If someone wants to know about what so-and-so said, kindly direct them to ask the source directly.

Refuse to participate.

In other words…. Mind you own damned business!!!

See how simple that is?

“No” is a complete sentence.

Develop and practice some boundaries.

Read my other posts about achieving peace of mind by letting your yes be yes and your no be no and….

[clears throat for emphasis] mind you own damned business!!!

Conclusion

You always have a choice.

Stop using the words… “I have to.”

You may not like the potential consequences of your choices, but you always have a choice of where to spend your time and attention.

Guard your peace of mind as something very valuable.

Yesterday, I found myself feeling wrapped around the axle over someone else’s negativity and judgy comments. I made a choice to not argue with them.

When I saw them later, I offered empathy and compassion, and then went about my business of choosing happiness and doing my own thing.

Someone else wanted to know why another person was not doing a particular thing. I kindly said, I do not want to be in the middle, and suggested they ask the source directly.

As I’ve mentioned in previous posts, you are not responsible for how others feel about your boundaries.

Allow them dignity of feeling their own feelings and making their own choices!

Stop feeding the llama, and you will feel much happier!

Disclaimer: No actual llamas were injured or killed during the writing of this blog entry (or ever by me). Drama llamas are people, too, and have feelings worthy of respect. But don’t feed them because they bite and spit!

Thank you for reading my rant today! If you enjoyed this or have strong feelings or thoughts you want to communicate, follow, like, and comment on this post. There’s plenty more where this came from!

Thank you and be well!

Be sure to subscribe and check me out on Instagram and TikTok!

https://www.instagram.com/greenleaf_4_life/

@greenleaf4life

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