Five Pointers For Peace of Mind

Are you tired of your angst and indecision?

Do you find yourself feeling restless, irritable, and discontent?

Are you tired of me asking you questions?

I’ve heard starting a post with a question is either a good or a bad thing, but I honestly can’t remember which. ¯\_(ツ)_/¯

This leads us into my first pointer for peace of mind…

Stop Labeling Things as Good or Bad

So much of your suffering comes from how you look at things.

This is a very normal trait for us to label things as good versus bad.

Most people do it.

They subconsciously decide something is wrong and don’t understand why they feel miserable about what happens in their lives..

Reframe everything as neutral.

For instance, I hurt my shoulder at the gym. Is that a bad thing?

I got a compliment from someone. Is that a good thing?

I could just as easily decide that the injury was a good thing and the compliment was a bad thing. I can say both about either instance.

Deciding to label things as good and bad is a choice, and it is very subjective.

How do you want to feel about the situation?

Personally, I want to see the injury as a learning opportunity and feel grateful for the experience. I want to see the compliment as a gift from someone else that has more to do with them than me.

It’s okay to describe something as comfortable or uncomfortable. Experiences and circumstances can be described anywhere from ecstatic to painful.

Do this: Feel the feeling about a circumstance, then decide that this is a neutral event that is increasing your awareness and compassion.

The traffic is not bad. It is neutral and may it awaken my awareness, patience, and compassion.

This money is not good. It is neutral and may it awaken my awareness, gratitude, and compassion.

Stop labeling things as good and bad!

Let No Be No

I know this is a hard one for people. (That’s what she said)

Saying no has been difficult for me and has taken a lot of practice to get better at.

How often have you agreed to do something for someone, when in your gut you knew you really didn’t want to, but felt like you should?

How many times have you taken on extra responsibilities when you knew you did not have time for it, but felt like you should?

If you’re reading my blog, I’m guessing several times.

I hear people say things like, “I don’t want them mad at me,” or “I don’t want to hurt their feelings.”

Here’s something you may not want to hear, so plug so your ears (cover your eyes) if you’re not ready for this…

When you say yes and you mean no, you are lying!

Not only are you lying to them, you’re lying to yourself.

Further, you are trying to control other people’s feelings in order to protect your own.

You can call this people-pleasing, but really it’s manipulation and control.

Ouch…

Let that sink in for a moment.

It made my skin crawl to learn I was a liar when I thought I was just being a nice guy.

Side note: People-pleasers are some of the angriest people out there. If you are one, you don’t realize this because the anger is masked as self-pity, resentment, anxiety, and depression.

By not speaking your truth, you are being inauthentic and hurting yourself.

Your friends and coworkers do not know the real you.

If this sounds scary as hell to you, then this is the area you need to grow in.

Let me qualify the following….

I know some people are in abusive and toxic environments where it is unsafe to speak your truth.

Do yourself a favor: Say yes to yourself – to what you want. Get out of the toxic situation, and say no when you mean no.

I realize this is easier said than done. There are plenty of advocates who will help you get there. Do the research and get help.

Let Yes Be Yes

I will repeatedly ask you, “What do you want?”

If you do not know, you are not alone.

If you’re a people-pleaser, then you probably don’t honestly know what you want other than to not have people mad at you.

That’s okay, and it’s not your fault you feel that way.

However, you are accountable for finding out what you want.

No one else can tell you what that is.

Okay, maybe there’s one person who can.

Ask your 10-year-old self what they wanted to be when they grew up.

What did your inner-kiddo like to do?

Start there. If that doesn’t work, ask the younger version of you. If that doesn’t work, ask the teenage version of yourself.

Get out a fricken piece of paper and write on top of it, “What do I want?”

Ask the Universe, your Future Self, God, Jesus, the Buddha, your dog, cat, or the tree outside to give you the answers.

Ask you heart.

Set a timer for five minutes, and write whatever comes to mind, no matter how stupid or impossible you think it is.

Your brain is NOT your friend here! Just fucking write!

After you have that list, pick the easiest thing you can do, and do it!

Don’t worry about the rest. You’re not there yet!

After you do that, do the next easiest thing and so on.

Make several lists if you have to.

Find out who you are and what sets your soul on fire!

Find out what excites you and fucking do it!

Protip: Remember when I said “Let No Be No?”

Forget that shit for a minute.

Have you seen the romantic comedy Yes Man with Jim Carrey?

In that movie, he realized he always said “No” to new things. He decided to start saying “Yes” to whatever life threw at him.

Saying “Yes” gave him a fuller life, and he was happier.

Start saying “Yes” to what Life presents to you – especially if it scares you a little bit.

If there’s a voice inside your head that says, “I can’t, I’m tired, I don’t have enough money, I don’t have enough time, Everyone will laugh at me,” then do that shit!

If your preference inside is to not do something new and outside of your comfort zone, do it!

We grow outside of our comfort zone!

If someone says, “Let’s go for a hike” and you think you’re too tired, do it anyway!

If you’re at the gym and someone says, “Try a pull-up,” and you think you can’t, do it anyway!

If you’re afraid to date, (you know what I’m going to say)… DO IT ANYWAY!

Find out what you want!

Speak it outloud!

Do what you want!

Say “Yes” to Life!

Mind Your Own Damn Business

Here’s a secret: What other people think of you is none of your business!

We do not get to know what is going on in other people’s heads.

AND

We do not get to control how other people think, feel, speak, or act.

Let adults be grown-ass adults.

If you want to stop feeling like you’re in the middle of someone else’s drama, stop participating.

We cannot rescue or fix anyone!

We cannot make someone like us!

By allowing others to make their own decisions and experience their own consequences without our intervening, we give them the gift of their own personal dignity to learn from their decisions.

Let me repeat that:

By allowing others to make their own decisions and experience their own consequences without our intervening, we give them the gift of their own personal dignity to learn from their decisions.

Now, granted, as a blogger and a life coach, I may sound like a hypocrite here because I’m spewing stuff at you to do. However, as a blogger and life coach, that is my role – to give you advice (at least in the written form).

If we were meeting one-on-one or were friends or colleagues, I would not be giving specific directions of what to do or how to think.

I will offer my opinion if I am asked for it (not always, I do use discretion).

I simply hold space with my friends, mirror back what they are saying so they feel seen and heard, and trust that they are on a journey and will figure out their own problems.

I am not here to fix people.

First of all, they are not broken.

Secondly, I trust in the creative process of people discovering their own paths.

Usually, people just need to be heard.

If they want to know more, I will share my own experience in a situation.

At most, I will give limited advice, but that is rare.

Let people have the dignity of making their own decisions.

You are not responsible for how they think, feel, speak, or act.

What they think of you is none of your damn business.

Stop wasting energy trying to manage what others think of you or how they should live their lives.

Mind your own damn business!

Surrender to Win

Last night, I was reminded of the principle to stop fighting everything and everyone.

Surrender to Win.

Let that shit go!

Let go, Let God.

Whatever clever quip works for you…

Let go of outcomes.

Let go of what others think, feel, say, or do.

Trust that you’ve made it this far in life, you have made it through a lot of challenges, and you will continue to overcome trials in your life.

If you have a spiritual outlook, trust that (whatever you believe in) is guiding you and will always guide you.

What ever you believe in is taking care of you.

If you don’t believe in the spiritual stuff, remember, you’ve made it this far in life, and chances are you will continue to.

All amount of worry is worthless.

Period.

Again, all amount of worry is worthless.

You don’t have to feel the pain of something that has not even happened (and may never). If something painful happens, feel it once, but don’t torture yourself by worrying about something that may or may not happen.

Worrying releases a stress hormone called cortisol which makes you sick, puts you in pain, and limits your brain functions amongst many other things.

Practice being in the present and being grateful.

Focus on your breath.

Focus on sounds.

Focus on where your feet are.

Breathe…..

Everything is working out exactly as it’s supposed to.

You’re right where you’re supposed to be and doing exactly what you’re supposed to be doing.

You’re figuring shit out and growing into the version of yourself you dream about.

Conclusion

You deserve a life of peace.

However, it takes practice and patience.

When you surrender to life as it is (“it is what it is”),

You will stop labeling things as good and bad.

You will let yes be yes and no be no.

You will mind your own damn business.

And you will win!

Remember, who you are and what you want matters.

The answers you seek are all inside of you.

Go looking for them.

Ask for help in finding them.

You will find the path you seek. (Hint: You’re already on the path 😉 )

Please like, follow, subscribe, and/or comment if you liked (or didn’t like) this post. Let’s talk! You can also reach me via email at david@greenleaf4life.blog or on Instagram @greenleaf_4_life.

Take care and be well!

2 responses to “Five Pointers For Peace of Mind”

  1. Thanks David…I really needed to see this today.

    Like

    1. You bet! I’m glad it helped! Thank you for reading and for the comment!

      Like

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